Being a mother and a wife

Did you know a huge proportion of relationships break up within the first year of having a baby, seems mad but it is true, one of the causes we believe is that woman become so obsessed with being a mum that they forget to be a woman. We know there as some many factors that have changed , hormones, tiredness, stress, the constant smell of baby sick, milk etc.

Some one once said to me that the key to surviving your first year of motherhood with your brain and your husband in tact was to make sure come rain or shine you make time for your husband, doesn't have to be a lot of time one night a month when somebody else is responsible for the baby and you go out for a meal cook at home anything all that matters is that you do something together.

It works it gives you both something to look forward too, it gives you both a chance to catch up with each other and what has been happening. It makes your husband feel wanted, many men feel surplus to requirement when a child is born its not their fault it is just that they often don't have as much time to learn to parent as a mother does.

Try it, there is always a way and it is worth the effort.

Nicole Kidman looks Fabulous after birth of baby

Nicole Kidman was spotted out and about with husband Keith Urban for the first time since giving birth to Sunday Rose on July 7. For a change it seems that a celebrity is not making a huge profit out of having a baby. Nicole already looks fabulous! Of course she was slender the whole way through her pregnancy so it's no big surprise there. Wouldn't we all like to know how we could look that good, most of us don't feel like leaving the house never mind leaving them!

Me time should not be dirty words

Most mums (the ones who are honest anyway) find that when they arrive home with their new baby everything isn't quite how they picture it. Many are sore and tired and they have somebody in the house who is invading their space on the premise of helping with the baby.

A few days after the birth a troop of well meaning friends and family come to coo over what you have produced, this would be great if you had had any sleep and you didn't still feel the size of a small family car, a state that you foolishly thought would have changed after you had given birth (well all the celebrities are back in pre baby jeans the next day, so why oh why do you still feel nine months pregnant). Every body wants to take pictures of you and the baby as if they didn't get enough horror's to fill an album when you were giving birth.

Take heart things do calm down people go back to their normal lives after a few weeks and your extra help decides you can now cope and the house is once again quiet, except for the ear piercing yells of a hungry baby. When this happens some of us suddenly realise that we are completely responsible for a new life, there is little room for our own feelings and needs as we become obsessed with making sure that we are a perfect mum.

Before you fall in that trap be aware that that way madness lies, if you completely forget who you are and what makes you happy you will wake up in five years when your precious child goes to school and not know what the hell to do with yourself, its a mistake so many women make and then regret at their leisure.

We are not saying that being a mother is not an important or a full time job, on the contrary we think its the most important job with the longest hours imaginable, what we are saying is that a woman is not a 24/7 slave she has the right to time off, its just a case of finding a balance between being a mother and being a woman.

From day one it is important to make sure that you take time to do things for you, it doesn't have to be days it just has to be me time, a few hours guaranteed every week where you do no house work or anything for anybody else. You simply do some thing completely selfish, have a coffee with the girls, go to the beauty therapist, go window shopping, anything just as long as you have no responsibility for any one but yourself. We have discovered it is best to leave the house because if you are there then the temptation is great for who ever is looking after your child to just ask questions and before you know it you have been dragged back into family life and your me time is gone.
Trust us it works, you will be happier and the knock on effect of that is that your whole family will benefit from a calmer mum.

Oh my god I am a mum!

Don't you think it is weird that even though we have months to get used to the idea we are still so shocked when they arrive. Many women would do anything to get the baby out, but the minute it comes out the fear arrives and we spend the rest of the time wishing that we could put them back in so that they are safe and we can protect them from the horror of the world we have brought them into. Being a parent is just one long string of worry, we worry that they have all their bits in the right place, then we worry that we will be able to look after them, that they will grow properly, that we are feeding them enough, they are getting enough sleep and don't get me started on the fears when they are away from you. I can only surmise that it gets easier as my own parents seem to have coped with all the madness that I have brought down on them.

I know that all this worry is so stupid and irrational, if something happens we will deal with it and I know I can't ward bad things off by imagining them. The thing is that we are just used to pleasing ourselves and if we stuff up then we only have ourselves to blame. But now we are responsible for a new life and want to avoid them having years of therapy in adulthood complaining about how their parents ruined their lives.

It's the parents I blame! That's a statement you hear often but isn't it the case that most parents are just trying to do the best they know how and are simply praying that it is enough to keep their kids out of harms way. Nobody wants to bring up a thug do they? The whole bloody thing seems like a minefield and everybody has an opinion on what you should do, I am starting to wish I had been one of those modern women who stays childless, has a wonderful life and is genuinely happy without children!